Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
