he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
