That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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