Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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