he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
