We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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