Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
