the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
