I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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