i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
