I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
