Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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