you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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