allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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