Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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