Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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