I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
