Hey man sorry I got all grabby
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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