i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
