How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
