I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
