i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
