ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
