I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How external is "for external use only"?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
