The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
