He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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