my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
