yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
