Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
