Who wears a wallet chain?!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
