who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
