His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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