So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
