Just cropdusted the office
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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