Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
