You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
