this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
