you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
