I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
