Porn is love you can see.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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