I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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