Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
smell my finger.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
