Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
