Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
