I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
