i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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