ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
