i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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