Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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