Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
