I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think your dad took our porno
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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