Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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