Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this will be a night to untag.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
