i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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