So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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