i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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