Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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