I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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