it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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