Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
