if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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