Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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