Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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