I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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