She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
