Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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