I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
