doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
