eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
