Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
