Just fell off a train. Bad.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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