my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
