He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
