my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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