just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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