Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
