I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
