I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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