Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
