Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
